“Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one.” – Clint Eastwood (The Dead Pool)
‘‘Lists’ are all the Internet rage these days with numerous websites devoted almost solely to the effort of compiling nonsense into usually mind-numbing joy of time wasting. It is more than fair to say that most lists are akin to you considering you Mother’s cooking as the best in the world. Sure her lasagna is meaty and delicious but her stroganoff is a plate of salty creamy crap but you devour it with pure adulation every time. Yummy.
Yesterday, since I am awesomely with it, I found a list from 1991 from Jimmy Guterman and Owen O’Donnell that they compiled for a book titled The Worst Rock n’ Roll Records of All Time: A Fan’s Guide to the Stuff You Love to Hate. I was mesmerized by their seemingly narrow point of views, hilarious thoughts and mostly needless commentary on some great and not so listenable albums. You know what Clint Eastwood says say about opinions…
Again, I am so timely. This book has been picked apart more times than a roadkill raccoon on a Texas country highway. But in hopes of capturing some of the luster of publishing ‘lists’ I thought it a good idea to pull some of the good-great albums that made their list as ‘worsts’way back when and perhaps kill some time before the weekend’s activities get rolling.
So here we go, here some albums Jimmy Guterman and Owen O’Donnell deemed ‘worsts’ and accompanied by their opinions (in-part) at the time.
50. U2 – Unforgettable Fire (1984)
“They think they are the most important band in the world, and sometimes they are. On “The Unforgettable Fire”, they don’t even come close.”
44. Elvis Costello and The Attractions – Goodbye Cruel World (1984)
“Even diehard fans like us came away from “Goodbye Cruel World” wondering if it really was a suicide note for his career.”
“They watered down Kooper’s original concept until rock was all but eroded and aimed its fuzzy concept of jazz and blues to a mass audience who never listened to or cared for either.”
26. Bon Jovi – Slippery When Wet (1986)
“Bad fourth-generation soft metal, a smudgy Xerox of Quiet Riot, Pat Boone in leather.”
21. Bob Dylan – Bob Dylan At Budokan (1979)
“The arrangements are random, indiscriminate, and stupefying.”
14. Queen – Queen II (1974)
“Whenever singers May or Mercury stumble near a note they can’t reach, swirls of keyboards or guitars swoop in and take over.”
12. Byrds – Byrds (1971)
“Byrds” comes across as a haphazard compilation of solo cuts by each of the individual members rather than a group effort.”
7. Chicago – Chicago at Carnegie Hall: Volumes I, II, III & IV (1971)
“Chicago doesn’t rock out, it has no funk, and it can’t swing, which rules out rock and roll, soul, and jazz. There’s not much left.”
2. Lou Reed – Metal Machine Music (1975)
“These pedestrian attempts at electronic art music make Phil Glass sound like Phil Spector.”
You can still purchase this book at amazon.com to check out the full list or do a search and find it re-purposed in dozens of places online.Which is what you will do anyway.
Okay then, I feel properly dirty and cheap inside. Nothing unusual, move along nothing to see here.
